The past several weeks have been overwhelming, emotionally and physically, in the kind of way that hinders you from completing simple, everyday tasks. But this past week has been overwhelming in the most uplifting way. When I published last week’s blog post, I expected a handful of well-wishes and sympathetic quotes, mostly from my mom’s nursing friends and family members near and far, but what I received blew me away. I am still sorting through the blog comments, Facebook messages and posts, texts, and voicemails. And while I have not responded to everyone yet, and I will, please know that you have made a huge impact on me, on Bryan, and on so many others. Men and women came forward to love on us, pray for us, cry with us. But what I did not expect, was the number of people who shared their stories of loss and infertility with me. Publicly and privately. I was, and still am, stunned and grateful to those who did. For months I have felt like I’m stranded on an island, with not even a volleyball to talk to. And just like that, the community and support I have been praying for, begging for, appeared. This has been everything I hoped for and more.
As I continue blogging, my hope is to share what I searched for, but could not find – a raw, honest, genuine look into the issues I have faced. It will be uncomfortable and often-times more intimate information than you bargained for, but I feel that is what needs to be said. Too many women have gone through, and are going through, this and feel like their experiences are singular, but they’re not. That gross thing that happened, and you didn’t know who or how to ask about it? That happened to me, too! The divide it’s creating in your marriage? Hey girl, us too. You are not alone. Someone else asked themselves that same weird question, or cried the same prayer, or felt that same pain. And I want you to know, and I want to know, that you are not the only one.
Thank you all for being on this journey with me, whatever your connection is. For those who have not experienced this – I thank you for opening your minds up to something that is not known to you, for listening, and for offering your support in whatever way you are able to. For those who have experienced this struggle – I thank you for your wisdom, your offers to talk me through your personal experiences, and for sharing your most painful secrets. I invite you to share my blog with others, so that we can continue to bring light and hope to an issue that so many are wading through. If you know someone suffering from the loss of a child because of infertility, let them know that there is a place they can go to be in community with those who hurt like they do.
We were not designed to do life alone, and I could not do this without the love and support you have all freely handed over. And I cannot thank you enough. Please continue praying for us as we continue working through this. We have an appointment with our fertility specialist this week to discuss our process at length, and begin treatment. We are scared, but full of hope for a future full of dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and sweet baby giggles.